Two days ago I was introduced to my 4th roommate, a little six-legged asshole that eats all of the food and doesn't pay any rent. I'm not okay with this and, needless to say, the 4th roommate is no longer alive.
Now, I have heard that New York City has its fair share of mice, rats, and roaches. Believe me, I didn't arrive here expecting to never see any of the three. Nevertheless, and I don't care how childish this may seem, I sure as hell do not want anything inside of my apartment that does not walk on two feet and, preferably, speak English or at the very least something that vaguely resembles English.
That's right. No cats, no dogs, and no youknowwhats.
So, knowing this, you can imagine my surprise when I strolled into the kitchen to find a lone roach staring back at me as if to say, "Hello, good morning! What's for BKfast today?"
Somehow, miraculously, I managed to regain composure, but only after I had awoken both of my other roommates (the kind that only have two legs) with my shrieks and screams and very loud gag reflex.
Stralia, being the brave Aussie that she is, killed our newly discovered 4th roommate and, after disposing of him in about 50+ paper towels, peeled me off of the ceiling where I had been watching the whole fiasco.
Being as I am not one who is capable of getting over things easily, I have told this story to anyone who has the misfortune of being within a five foot radius of me for over ten minutes. Julius, my first victim, heard the story over a hot dog lunch at the White Horse Tavern (new fav bar, by the way). "Really?" He asked, in disbelief. "Just one?"
A few hours later, to my continued horror, Diva told me over dinner that her $3000/month Midtown one bedroom apartment occassionally has mice and, as she retorted quite flippantly, it's usually one or the other.
These are my choices?
It's not investment banker versus corporate lawyer or Upper East Side versus the Upper West Side, it's mice versus roaches.
Just for the record, I would prefer mice.
Oh girlfriend. I cannot tell you the disgust and hatred I have for roaches. I grew up in a slum of an apartment and we were infested. I can still remember waking up some nights and having one crawling on me. I take mice any day.
We live in the woods now, and once a year I get ONE roach. Just the one. He brings no friends, leaves no notes. He stops in, freaks out my shit, and moves along. But you know what they say. Where there's one...god help me.
Posted by: Candy | January 23, 2009 at 02:38 PM
Welcome back!
Posted by: anijnas | January 23, 2009 at 03:29 PM
I Like your new header T.C.G!!
Don't drink too much :)
Do as I say not as I do....which would be drinking until blind and fuking something up beyond repair......every fuking weekend...DAMN!!
Posted by: Chris B | January 24, 2009 at 06:08 AM
Being a selfish bugger, I preferred it when Tokyo Cowgirl was in Tokyo. Because I could see her. That is, when she wasn't backing out of plans for being too hung over. ;)
Don't let the rodents get you down over there. Hope you're doing all right, TC.
Posted by: john turningpin | January 24, 2009 at 06:41 AM
lol welcome to NYC! wait until you see the water bug that looks like a roach... I lived in hell's kitchen for 3 years and saw rats the size of small dogs.. The kind that just sit there and look at you... as if daring you to say something... I live in timesquare now.. little crowded but no roaches or rats.. but neither of them are the real threat. it's the unseen bugs that bite the crap out of you..
Posted by: JayNYC | January 26, 2009 at 11:58 AM