Creatures of Japan Series : Hello Kitty

Age: 34

Sex: no oral!

Likes: being the first third grader to ever be appointed as Japan's Tourism Ambassador

Dislikes: not having a mouth

Natural Habitat: In Japan, anything with surface area

In Thailand, police officers are forced to wear a hot pink Hello Kitty armband if they have committed a minor infraction, such as arriving to work late or parking in a no-parking zone. Two things are wrong with this: For one, I wasn't aware that there was any such thing as an infraction in Thailand- the last time I was there I saw enough prostitutes to fill up all four of the oceans. Secondly, even if there is such a thing as an actual honest to goodness law, subjecting anyone to a full 24 hours of hot pink Hello Kitty hell is a bit harsh. Instead, I would like to suggest punishing these innocuous transgressions with a less inhumane alternative, like water-boarding. 

In Japan, the hot pink Hello Kitty armband is not such a bad thing. And, evidently, neither is the Hello Kitty scrunchie, the Hello Kitty t-shirt, the Hello Kitty backpack, the Hello Kitty purse, the Hello Kitty advertisement, the Hello Kitty amusement park, the Hello Kitty keychain, the Hello Kitty laptop, the Hello Kitty condom, the Hello Kitty piggy bank, the Hello Kitty vibrator, the Hello Kitty cellphone cover, the Hello Kitty credit card, or the Hello Kitty wedding ring.

Fuck me running.

You know what would be a great idea? The Hello Kitty Bar. I'm surprised Sanrio hasn't tried that avenue out yet. There isn't a doubt in my mind that it would be successful, how could it not be? Every Japanese female that subscribes to the Cult Of Kawaii, which is every Japanese female, would be there right after work, drinking a cocktail called a KittyTail and munching on Hello Kitty sushi. What, you say? Hello Kitty sushi is too much of a stretch?

Oh no, it's not.  

Comments

[john turningpin]

The Hello Kitty circuit board http://image.blog.livedoor.jp/amejam1/imgs/c/4/c492e76e.jpg

the Hello Kitty exhaust pipe http://www.gizmodo.jp/img/060908goodbye_kitty.jpg

the Hello Kitty bicycle tire http://www.gizmodo.jp/img/071205kitty.jpg

[-Paul]

I have had the pleasure of riding in the Hello Kitty Taxi, Twice! bloody embarrassing to say the least. I sit across from a 50 something Hello Kitty fan.. insane to say the least.

[Z]

darling......these people are sick. sick in the HEAD!!!!

[ThePenguin]

HELLO KITTY MUST DIE!! PAINFULLY!!!1!!! IT IS A FESTERING WART ON THE THIN VENEER OF HUMAN CIVILISATION! DOWN WITH SANRIO!!!!

(If you are not convinced by my powerful invective, take a gander here: http://www.kittyhell.com/ )

[Tokyo Cowgirl]

Thank you Penguin, I couldn't have said it better myself.

[Juan]

Love your blog!

You're 100% right about Thailand! ... granted there are five oceans, not four, but still :-)

[dani]

Good-bye Kitty.

[Tokyo Cowgirl]

Hi Juan, thanks for checking out my blog, I hope you keep in touch.

Dani, I think you have a great idea with Goodbye Kitty, it could even be as marketable as my Hello Kitty Bar concept.